do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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