I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
