I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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