Someone shit on the floor
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
