Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
