I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
