we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
