I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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