OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
