I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
