I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
