i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He has the fingertips of a God
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