I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
