dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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