Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
