I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
