I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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