When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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