Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
