Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
