maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
