I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
