so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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