I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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