none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
