Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize