dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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