smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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