Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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