I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
