My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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