Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
