my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
