someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
