I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
