i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We need a shit load of segways right now
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
