Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
