Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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