nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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