I cockslap morals
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
