I seem to have left my pride at pride
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
