i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
