god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Randomize
