Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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