Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
