Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
