Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
