wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
