I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am naked and annoyed.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
