True but thats because hes a fetus.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
