Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
