I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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