You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
